You swear it well

One of the great things about watching Countdown (and there are many) is when, on the occasional occasion, a rude word (or the possibility thereof) comes up. One such instance of this occured on the show last week, when both contestants (and me - aren't I clever?!) managed to come up with the eight-letter word BASTARDS during one of the letters games. (BREASTS would also have been there for a seven, funnily enough, if you'd have used the ninth of the letters in this round, which was an E.)

The thing that made me laugh about these bastards though (aside from the obvious), was the fact that, obviously wary of broadcasting an expletive at 3.45 in the afternoon, the producers bleeped it out when the contestant said the word bastards; they even put a little "CENSORED" animation over his mouth as he said it, so you wouldn't have been able to lip-read what he was saying. They didn't spell it out on the board afterwards either. Basically, unless you came up with the word too you'd have been none the wiser as to what exactly this eight-letter word could have been (although I dare say you could have worked it out for yourself soon enough - if you could remember what the letters had been).

But anyway, surely "bastards" isn't even that strong an expletive to be broadcasting on a daytime quiz show in the first place - especially one largely based on the bastard dictionary - is it?

I know that whoever's responsible for these things has been altering the title of the latest Quentin Tarantino movie Inglorious Basterds to merely Inglorious during the recent advertising campaign promoting said film on TV, but as far as I'm concerned that one deserves censoring on the grounds of its awful syntax and spelling alone, rather than any concerns about it being an offensive word in its own right; the Countdown example is a different kettle of consonants and vowels* entirely.

But hey, enough o' my yakking. Whaddaya say? Let's boogie!

Ian Dury & The Blockheads - There Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards mp3

*Put the kettle of consonants and vowels on, mother! I fancy a nice T!

Three of a Kind #71

Three songs to celebrate the dawn of a new era on the venerable Channel 4 words and numbers quiz Countdown today, as the show has a brand new presenting team. Genial host Jeff Stelling replaces Des O'Connor in the hotseat, while twenty-two-year-old Oxford maths graduate Rachel Riley takes over from Carol Vorderman on the letters & numbers board. (The indispensable and ineffably great Susie Dent's still present in Dictionary Corner, though.)

Football fans in the UK - or at least those with access to Sky Sports News - will already know all about the legend that is Jeff Stelling; his peerless anchoring of the weekly six-hour marathon that is Soccer Saturday, his fondness for a terrible pun, devotion to Hartlepool United FC and general all-round likeability. And, reassuringly, he's proving just as adept a host on Countdown. Two days in and it's as if he's been presenting it all his life. 'Effortless' is the word. The best sports presenter bar none and already the best presenter Countdown have ever had. What a guy.

Special mention too for new girl Rachel. She's understandably looked a bit nervous in her first two appearance on the show, making a couple of mistakes on the numbers game, but I think she'll be fine. She seems like a really nice girl and it's a relief to finally have someone other than the overpaid, slightly-too-pleased-with-herself Carol Vorderman doing the sums. Apparently there's a photo somewhere of Rachel as a six-year-old cutting a cake decorated in a Countdown style that she'd received for her birthday, so she's obviously steeped in the programme. (The fact that she's from Southend has to count in her favour too.)

Anyway, you'll doubtless be devastated to hear that I couldn't find Bucks Fizz's New Beginning anywhere so I'm afraid you'll just have to settle for these songs instead to commemorate the changing of the Countdown guard!

Action Biker - TV Star mp3

Frente! - Oh Brilliance mp3

Cameo - Word Up mp3