Top of the Pops Christmas Day 1981

The first thing to say about this show is that it's presented by pretty much all the Radio 1 DJs of the time - Andy Peebles! Paul Gambaccini! Paul Burnett! - which means that alas two links feature Jimmy Savile (who appears to have turned up dressed as Geoffrey from Rainbow), which means it will probably never again be seen on British TV. A shame if so, as there are some memorable performances here and it would be easy to edit Savile out.

Honestly, there is so much to see: Julian Cope miming along to Reward dressed in what appears to be one of his mum's old frocks; Midge Ure doing Vienna in a gimpy leather cap with accompanying metal ch(a)in-strap. We know you're bald under there, Midge. There's also some quintessentially deadpan John Peel links; Colin Blunstone and lovely Kim Wilde singing live - albeit not together; Phil Oakey in full wonky-fringed mode, an inebriated-looking Adrian Juste introducing Kirsty Maccoll as "a little lady". Imagine being patronised in such a way by someone with precisely none of your talent.

Adam Ant reveals to Simon Bates that the highlight of his year was meeting the Queen. Phew, rock 'n' roll! Fans of Legs and Co should look away as show-offy usurpers Zoo prance about to the strains of Can You Feel It and O Superman; Steve Wright gets heckled by Chrissy Boy from Madness whilst introducing Toyah and Peter Powell invades Thereze Bazar's personal space (she should have kicked him in the knackers). There's also a communal rendering of All You Need Is Love over the end credits. All that plus The Beat, Depeche Mode, OMD and Altered Images with Clare Grogan done up like a Christmas tree. What more could you ask for?

video deleted by copyright killjoys

Simon Says

"Right, you two grab me round the arms & try not to look too queasy while I introduce Walking On The Moon as Walking."

An historic night for BBC Four last Thursday as the channel had the not inconsiderable honour of repeating the very first edition of Top of the Pops to be hosted by Simon "Batesy" Bates, first broadcast in December 1979. So, how did the young 33-year-old get on during his TOTP bow? Time for a spot of tactical analysis, I reckon.

He kicks off by introducing Darts' version of the Jackie Wilson classic as "Little Richard's Reet Petite", which I suppose you could put down to first-night nerves. But I dunno - he does look and sound extremely relaxed and full of confidence. Anyway, it seems to me that if you're hosting a TV music show watched by MILLIONS - and indeed if your full-time job is playing music on the nation's airwaves - a few seconds' research on the songs you're introducing is the very least you could do. Assuming he made the same basic error in rehearsal, you would have thought someone - anyone - on the production staff would have been able to put him straight? But no. Did no one on that show like him pop music?

No problems with his next link to camera - a still of which you can see above. Although, I dunno, for some reason those two girls don't seem to be enjoying the experience all that much. Why it's almost as if they don't enjoy being playfully grabbed round the neck by a complete stranger. Get a grip, girls! Simon has!

Two songs later and there's another unforced error when Simon introduces My Simple Heart as My Simple Hut, before swiftly correcting himself. After the video clip Simon says, laughing: "My Simple Heart, and that's the Three Degrees." Then, gesturing towards the girls flanking him in this picture:

"...And three very jealous boyfriends. I like this job!" Zinger! (Remember: Simon is irresistible to women.)

And how about this: "That's Michael Jackson and Legs and Company. It gets hot in here, but even hotter now. Here's Sugarhill Gang and one of the fastest climbers of the week. It's The Rapper". Oh Simon, you've done it again! You meant Rapper's Delight! Never mind, at least you can correct yourself after the clip has played:

"That was The Rapper. I mean when does he breathe? That's the most important thing to know!"

D'oh!

"Now then, you lot. Do you like sloppy songs? Yeah, you've got one here... I think Marianne Faithfull is gonna have The Ballad Of Lucy Jordan in the charts." Ah yes, that sloppy song about a mentally ill woman being committed to an institution. Off the schmaltzy scale!

Anyway, apart from all that, and the Police incident (no, not a police incident! The Walking one!) he was great, and it's no wonder he went on to present the show on a regular basis for the next nine years. I'd like to think he even learnt the names of some of the songs at some point.

I dun arf like... Toast!

Here's another 1978 Top of the Pops performance that'll probably never see the light of day on BBC Four thanks to the edition it featured on being presented by DLT. Shame! I love the fact that the singer narrator* went on to become one of the biggest pop stars in the world for a while five years later, and also that it eulogises an often overlooked culinary delight. I mean, when did you last see one of those poncey cooks on the millions of TV food porn programmes preparing a toast-based dish?!

*Paul Young. But you knew that already, right?

Mop of the Pops

You'll probably never see this on TV again as it's from the 23rd March 1978 edition of Top of the Pops presented by Dave "Persona non grata" Lee Travis, so I'm putting it up here as it deserves to be seen by as many people as possible (about three, in the case of this blog). It's Legs & Co. frumping up brilliantly to the strains of Donna Summer's Rumour Has It.