Games without front ears

During the quieter moments of World Cup games, Spike and me have been coming up with punny song titles based on this year's tournament. Just for fun, like. Anyway, with another rest day on our hands (thoroughly stupid invention, by the way, World Cup rest days) we've now whittled the originally rather cumbersome list of a couple of hundred songs down to a more manageable forty-five, which you can see listed below. If you don't like daft puns, now might be a good time to divert your eyes!

45 Korea Opportunities - The Clash
44 I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Cruz - Beverley Sisters
43 Lucio In The Sky With Diamonds - The Beatles
42 Ayew Get Off Of My Cacau - Rolling Stones
41 Sorensen Seems To Be The Hardest Word - Elton John Pantsil
40 Long Skrtel Short Jacket - Cake
39 The Valdez Flat - Echobelly
38 Chile Love Songs - Paul McCartney
37 Juarez The Love - Roberta Flack
36 Schweinsteiger Feet - Mud
35 Chu Young - Phoenix
34 Kolarov My Love - Jefferson
33 Buffon The Roof - Bobby Robson & Jerome Boateng
32 Move Klose - Phyliss Nelson
31 When Will Garcia Again - Three Degrees
30 Iniesta I Can Boogie - Baccara
29 Lippi On Your Collar - Connie Francis
28 Capello Sub Marin - The Beatles
27 The Burdisso - The Tweets
26 Papadopoulis Don't Preach - Maradonna
25 Driving In My Kaka - Madness
24 Sagna Name - Terence Trent D'Arby
23 Gomez Without Frontiers - Peter Gabriel
22 Honda Inside - Lynne Hamilton
21 Dani Alves On My Mind - Alves Presley
20 Hey Cho - Jimi Hendrix
19 Schwarzer Nother Year - Johnny Logan
18 Everybody Özil - R.E.M.
17 Duda Looks Like A Lady - Aerosmith
16 Lee Chung Yong Hearts Run Free - Candi Staton
15 Eto'o Beach - Martha & The Muffins
14 The Sun Always Shines On Tevez - A-Ha
13 Toure Toure It's A Holi-Holiday - Boney M
12 Müller Kintyre - Wings
11 Ponce In A Lifetime - Talking Heads
10 Mary Had A Little Lahm - Snap!
9 Itsy Bitsy Chiellini Yellow Polka Dot Bikini - Bombalurina
8 Welcome To The Jung Woo - Guns 'n' Roses
7 Jules Rimet Want To Hurt Me - Culture Club vs Country
6 De Jong Ones - Cliff Richard
5 Forlan & Laughing - Orange Juice
4 Smeltz Like Team Spirit - Nirvana
3 How Elano? - Whitney Houston
2 A Whiter Seedorf Pale - Procul Harum
1 The Size Of A Cacau - Wonderstuff

Any more for any more?

F.R. David - Words mp3

New balls

Just in case anyone has been disappointed at the discovery that those links I posted to Santo, Sam & Ed's Cup Fever in the previous entry no longer work, here's a new (permanent) one where you can download all episodes - and the links really will work this time!

It really is worth the bother if you're a fan of football and comedy (that's actual, intentional comedy, by the way, rather than the type served up by the England team), as this show is thoroughly entertaining from start to finish. (A typical joke saw the presenters all sucking on a packet of Wayne Rooney's Disappointmints, which tasted surprisingly bitter.)

I'm really letting the side down with blog posts this World Cup. Apologies for that. Just can't seem to drag myself off the sofa at the minute! Today also sees the thrilling start, if you're posh, of Wimbledon. Here are a couple of links to commemorate this momentous occasion.

From 1982: The Brat - Chalk Dust (The Umpire Strikes Back). Who could possibly have guessed as a sprog that twenty-eight yeasrs later the lyrics to this song wouldn't seem quite so hilarious after all?



Something that does still seem funny almost three decades on is the McEnroes at Breakfast sketch from Not The 9 O'Clock News:



The above clips illustrate perfectly, I think - for those too young or too addled to remember - just what a big deal John McEnroe was at the time. His fame/notoriety seemingly knew no bounds. Not that he's entirely slipped from view, of course. Whose was the first voice I heard when I woke up this morning? That's right, John McEnroe's. (Umm, not that I'm sleeping with him or anything. He was talking on the radio is all.)

Finally today, many congratulations to Northern Irishman Graham McDowell (who I'm sure will be reading this) on his stunning victory in golf's U.S. Open overnight, thus becoming the first European to win the event in colour. When Tony Jacklin won it in '70, the game was played entirely in black & white.

Apologies to anyone who's already read me coming out with many of the above comments on Twitter this morning, by the way. I am aware, however, that our entire readership doesn't necessarily frequent that place, so I have to keep both of you happy somehow.

In keeping with the entirely haphazard nature of this post, here's a song what I like!

Popsicle - Never Know mp3

More World Cup shows (good ones this time)

ITV may have plumbed the depths with their venture into light-hearted World Cup spin-off programming this time round, but the spirit of Baddiel & Skinner's old Fantasy Football programmes lives on in other parts of the world. Places like Australia, for example, where SBS are running the splendid nightly half-hour show Santo, Sam and Ed's Cup Fever presented by amiable funny types Santo Cilauro, Ed Kavalee and Sam Pang. This programme really is a breath of fresh air, and best of all, thanks to the wonders of the interweb, we can watch it in other territories too, at this rather fantastic blog, where all episodes to date are gathered in a one-click, embedded YouTube stylee. Marvellous.

Baddiel & Skinner themselves, meanwhile, are doing regular podcasts for Absolute Radio during the World Cup, just in case you hadn't heard. These are very good also, as you might expect.

Completing what appears to have turned into a bit of a round-up, I'd also highly recommend the Guardian's World Cup Daily podcasts with James Richardson and various journos from said newspaper. But then you probably already knew about those as well. I'm just wasting everybody's time here really, aren't I?

Righto, bedtime I think. Big day tomorrow. Many football matches and related shows to enjoy! I think I might be going a bit dotty with the excitement of it all you know.

EDIT: I really ought to have mentioned the fact that all episodes of Cup Fever can be streamed directly from the SBS website too. Terribly remiss of me.

May God have mercy on arseholes

Just spotted this in tonight's Radio Times programme listings for ITV1:

9.45
James Corden's World Cup Live

New series. 1/14. In this regular post-match magazine show the Gavin & Stacey star is joined by model Abbey Clancy - England striker Peter Crouch's other half - for an alternative view of the tournament.

Now I'm not a big one for profanity, as you know, but really, ITV can fuck right off.

Anne Soldaat - Going South mp3

Three of a Kind #105

With, at the time of typing, a mere ninety hours to go until the 2010 World Cup begins in earnest (well, South Africa) there's never been a better time for me to start blathering away about how much I'm looking forward to this summer's soccerball shindig. Non-football fans may wish to look away now - and possibly for the next five weeks or so. I suspect there'll be a lot more of this type of thing to come.

Actually, what am I saying, stick around! For the consistently choice selection of mp3s if nothing else!

I think I've done quite well holding back this long before launching into some of what erstwhile 6-0-6 host David Mellor would have cretinously termed "red hot soccer chat" actually. It's reminding me of the restrain you have to show as a music blogger towards the end of the calendar year, when you're dying to let loose with the Christmas songs but, conscious of the fact that they're not exactly everyone's cup of char, don't want to start posting them too soon for fear of pissing people off. But hopefully four days before the big event is acceptable.

So yes, the thirty-two competing squads will have mostly (if not all) arrived in South Africa by now (probably); the various World Cup shows and podcasts have begun in earnest; I've started counting down the hours rather than days till the big kick off (South Africa v Mexico, 3pm Friday, ITV); my When Saturday Comes World Cup wallchart is firmly in place (albeit, in an act of astonishing rebelliousness on my part, not on the wall at all, but rather the fridge door. Hell yeah. Like some kind of - or actual - maverick wallchart pinner-upperer, I don't play by the rules), and I am ready to go. Or at least ready to go and plonk myself down on the settee and stare at the telly for a month or so straight.

As for who I reckon's going to win the thing, well, Spain and Brazil are the bookmakers' favourites so the sensible thing would be to tip one of those two. But I don't really do sensible, as you know. Besides, I feel there's really only one team I can throw my full weight of support behind at this particular time. In fact, I feel compelled to cheer them on after that Eurovision debacle the other week. They are, of course, the Netherlands!

Oh yes, things are going to be different this time, I can feel it. For one thing, I've done my research this time and, unlike their Eurovision counterparts, the Netherlands football team have actually qualified for the finals, so we're ahead of the game already!

And for another, they have a fine attacking tradition and many technically-gifted and exciting players such as Robin van Persie, Arjen Robben, Wesley Sneijder and Rafael van der Vaart in their current squad. Mind, they also have Dirk Kuyt and Ryan Babel, a dearth of truly world-class defenders, and a not-so-fine tradition of internecine squabbling within their championship squads; oh, and van Persie and Robben are injured half the time anyway. But I never said they were perfect. Might be worth a punt at 11-1 though.

Anyway, now we've got the World Cup ball rolling, so to speak, here are some songs on a theme. Mostly. I suspect I'm going to run out of actual football-related songs pre-tty bloody quickly.

Agent Simple - Friday mp3

Woog Riots - Football Round the Clock mp3

Colourbox - The Official Colourbox World Cup Theme mp3

By the way, in case you were wondering, the accompanying picture at the top of this post comes from Jack Rosenthal's 1972 parks football TV play, Another Sunday and Sweet F.A., which is now, thrillingly, available to buy on DVD. Woo.