Thursday, 29 May 2008

Search Us III

It seems I made something of a schoolboy error when putting together the previous Search Us entry, by reporting the five or six searches we'd had at the time from people looking for pictures of a certain Ashes To Ashes star with no clothes on. I wouldn't want to make the same mistake by repeating the offending search string here, but here's a clue: it wasn't any of the male members (chortle) of the cast these lustful Googlers were seeking out.

Anyway, subsequent to that particular post - in which I foolishly repeated the dread phrase i.e. "Marjorie Dawes lewd!" (or words that sound not unlike those) several times - our Statcounter page went pretty much insane with people (or more specifically blokes) feverishly searching for nuddy pics of old bolly knickers.

Now, with at least a dozen of these exact same searches coming in every day, this soon started to become a tad annoying for Spike and me. Sort of like a constantly dripping tap. Or a busload of people you didn't invite arriving at your party - only instead of bringing a bottle, these gatecrashers were brandishing something far less appetising in their hands. Bleurgh. But thankfully they've largely pissed off now, and we're down to about five a day. Bloody hell, though, what a pain in the arse!

As for the very few searches that weren't asking for pictures of ****** ***** sans kit, there now follows a quick round-up of some of the best ones.

Is that your wife (A new gameshow, coming soon to ITV1. Probably.)

Are you really going out with him? (Who, Joe Jackson? Yes. Yes I am.)

Hylda Baker nude (I kid you not!)

****** ***** knockers (I love this one. This is the type of search Sid James would be making if he was looking for clothes-avoiding pictures of a certain Ashes To Ashes star on the 'net. And if he wasn't dead, obviously.)

Wincey Willis this is your life (Actually I think you'll find it was Banderas who did that one.)

Headcases ITV rubbish
Headcases poor (Does anyone like this show?)

nude toffs (Again, this sounds like something the commissioning editor of ITV or Five might give the go-ahead to.)

Watch video Paul Jewell Derby porn (I'd rather not, if it's all the same to you.)

TV-AM weatherman with silly pullovers (How dare you! Wincey was all woman.)

silly noise website (Why, it's almost as if Google are trying to tell us something!)

stupid web searches (...we've had a few, but then again too few to mennnntion! Or not.)

And we'll finish, as ever, by stuffing our faces with comedy apple/pies:

too pie
apples much
pie face nude
how much is the apple pie?
nude women hit with pies
great britain's apple pie
apple pies facts with silly words
pie sold on internet
catchy pie phrases
misses apple pie
apple not pies
because of too much pie
I like pie even more than the last time I Googled this

I love that last one, as it appears that someone has deliberately gone out of their way to perform a daft search in a - successful, as it turns out - attempt to appear in one these posts. Now we shouldn't really be encouraging that sort of thing in a business as, erm, gravely serious as collating inane web searches for an obscure music blog, but fair play to you, whoever you are!

Change - Searching mp3 (available for 7 days)


Spike said...

A female Ashes To Ashes star, eh? You must mean Montserrat Lombard! :oP

You've utilised an impressive amount of euphemisms for 'starkers'!

Kippers said...

Heh. 'Starkers', why didn't I think of that? That's another one Sid James would have been proud of!

Mick said...

I was just thinking the other day that I don't get many hits from strange search strings when, out of the blue, I got a hit from somebody searching for 'Stretch Jeans Boy'. Still haven't quite figured how Google thought that was me.

Kippers said...

'Stretch Jeans Boy' sounds like a really ineffectual superhero. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? etc.

M. Britton said...

"I like pie even more than the last time I Googled this"

I'd like to think that the person who did this sees google as a friend, and has to update it - kind of like a facebook status but with more significance to him, if you get me