Long-term readers of this blog will remember a series we ran a few years ago entitled Search Us, in which I'd catalogue some of the more unlikley and outlandish internet searches that somehow ended up landing the unwitting Googler (other search engines are available, albeit no one uses any of them) here.
These searches ranged from the pornographic (Keeley Hawes nude) to the pornographic and disturbing (Watch Paul Jewell Derby porn); from the curious (Is Wincey Willis dead?) to the speculative (Norwegian band's name, I remember the lead singer looked like Ole Gunnar Solskjaer); from the ones that answered their own questions (How do you spell Mezzoforte the jazz band who did garden party?) to the ones who simply couldn't recall Chris Moyles's actual name (bumptious tosser).
There was more porn (Keeley Hawes naked), nonsense (manager of newcastle bill chumbawamba), plain speaking (I don't like pie that much), and a whole slew of enquiries about University Challenge know-all and reluctant overnight sensation Gail Trimble (gail trimbles tits / gail trimble wears glasses / gail trimble dull).
But the two subjects that generated by far the most search traffic (still do) were/are Keeley Hawes (Keeley Hawes knockers remains a personal favourite. Someone - possibly a 1970s sitcom actor - clearly thought outside the box a bit with that one) and, for want of a better word, smut. Oh, and some of the plethora of apple pie-related searches would make yer eyes water! (All I'll say is, there seem to be an alarming number of people with apple pie fixations out there.)
The Search Us posts came to an abrupt halt (or more truthfully, fizzled out) in the summer of 2009 due to a combination of a lack of new and original searches coming in to the blog and a tad of laziness on my part. But due to non-existent public demand, I'm aiming to revive the series - just as soon as I've got enough new material to work with!
With this in mind, and to hopefully induce some more preposterous Googling from the denizens of the interweb, I shall now post a stream-of-consciousness load of random old crap to hopefully hurry things along re the aforementioned aim.
Cesar Romero, Soda Stream, Wimpole, cassocks, Breville sandwich toaster, Doris Schwartz, Steve Heighway, Harry Secombe's Highway, Vince Hilaire, Umberto Eco's giant space hopper, Bella Emberg, Mike & Bernie Winters, Dame Una Nescafe, Rainbow, Black Type, Betamax, Don't you know there's a war on, I should cocoa, Pete Beale's finest fruit and veg cor blimey guv do they mean us they surely do Derek Jameson, ra-ra-ra-ra-Razzamatazz Lisa Stansfield started out on that you know, Mrs Miggins's Pie Shop, I ain't going on no plane fool, flippin' 'eck nutjob, why are you still reading this nonsense, Tucker's Luck, Metal Mickey, Rod Jane & Freddy GCE CSE GCSE TSB Midlank Bank Young Savers cheque book a free pen to every new customer they don't like it up 'em Captain Mainwaring didn't they do well of course I remember when it were all fields round here never mind the Trossachs here's some spectacles, Bradford Park Avenue, Chris Tavare, Gladstone Small, Eddie Hemmings I don't think I actually know any celebrities post the 1980s oh Diane Louise Jordan she's one, this should get the numbers up, maybe if I'd said someone famous and modern that might have helped as well, anyway move along now nothing to see here, hope you like the mp3, it's a good 'un.
Zapp - It Doesn't Really Matter (Extended Version) mp3
Bumped: Chicago Med - Only two episodes in and new US show is already on the move in summer.
4 hours ago