He can't stand up for falling down

Took this footage on my phone from this evening's Euro 2014 qualifier between Turkey and Croatia. In it, Turkish playmaker Hamit Altintop takes what I would have to declare to be the most outrageous dive I've ever seen perpetrated by a professional footballer (and I've seen Cristiano Ronaldo). There was no one within three feet of him!

(Apologies for the rather shonky picture quality, by the way, but I literally filmed the video direct from my mobile phone while pointing it at the telly! Still, though, a couple of clicks later and it was uploaded to YouTube. Isn't technology marvellous?)



The Bluebells - I'm Falling mp3

Scotify! (Spotify playlist #8)

Inspired by STV's recent Scotland's Greatest Album series (you can read the final results from the viewers' vote here), I've decided to cobble together my own list of favourites by artists from north of the border (Spotify availability permitting). Unlike the TV version, however, there'll be nae Rod Stewart or AC/DC here. But I have served up lashings of cheese.

(With apologies to Hipsway, Capercaillie, Mull Historical Society, The Skids, Ballboy, Malcolm Middleton, Idlewild, Edwyn Collins, Bronski Beat, Texas, Wet Wet Wet (yeah, I know) and a shedload of other acts I could and probably should have included. (I'm sure they'll all be devastated.)

Every loser whinge

Look who was back on Pointless last night...



Guess how he got on?

The Revelations - You're The Loser mp3

Truly Bumptious

The shocked visage you see above is that of an especially annoying, over-confident contestant on last night's Pointless, realising that he'd just given an incorrect answer and had thus been eliminated. It was much like the bit in a movie where the evil genius realises that his sinister plan has backfired and he's not going to gain control of the world after all. (Oh what's it called, you know the one I mean... Evil Genius Sinister Plan Man.)

Anyway, this may not reflect especially well on me, but that has to one of my favourite ever moments from Pointless (which is a brilliant enough programme already). I mean, you can't beat a bit of schadenfreude at the end of the day (or at the beginning or middle of it), can you? To borrow a phrase from semi-legendary football commentator Barry Davies: look at his face! Just look at his face!

The question in question was as follows, by the way:

Who voiced King Louie in Disney's The Jungle Book?

Our man confidently answered Louis Armstrong (which would have been my guess too).

The actual answer was: Louis Prima. (Never been so happy to get something wrong!)

Anyway, all is not lost for old matey up there, as, like all contestants on Pointless, he gets another chance to play tonight. He'll probably go on to scoop the jackpot second time round, but who cares? We'll always have that priceless moment of realisation and the 'O' face up top.

Daryll-Ann - Surely Justice mp3

Ooh, Betty

Bit late with this one but in the wake of the sad death of actress Betty Driver this week, here's John Shuttleworth's musical paean to the character she made her name with. Truly, the Rovers won't be the same without her.

John Shuttleworth - Betty Turpin mp3

Song of the Day

Because Marit Bergman's brilliant and so's this song. The lyrics are ace too.

Marit Bergman - I Thought I Would Be Older By Now mp3

Actually, that song reminds me of the clip below, from my favourite sketch show for donkey's years, BBC Scotland's Limmy's Show. I really can't emphasise strongly enough how funny this programme is, and how you should definitely seek it out if you're not familiar with it already.



There are loads more Limmy's Show clips on YouTube, and Series 1 is out on DVD. (Buying that would be the best decision you'd make all week.)

Well read

Can you believe this is fifteen years old already? Still sounding as etherially beautiful as ever and all. Ahh Trish, we miss you.



Broadcast - The Book Lovers mp3

(Currently reading I, Partridge: We Need To Talk About Alan. Always the highbrow stuff with me.)

Public service blogging

We live in an age where it's possible to call up even the most risible, meaningless song lyrics in a matter of seconds, thanks to the plethora of websites serving that purpose which clutter up the internet; but is it possible to find the words to old Faith Brothers classics online? Is it bollocks.

At least that's the case as far as personal favourite A Stranger On Home Ground goes. Can't find it for looking. Unlike the albums the Faith Brothers later released - which included printed lyrics for all the songs - there was no sign of any song words transcribed anywhere on the sleeve of this single-only release. In which case, I shall now give you my interpretation of them! (Please do let me know if you think I've gone wrong anywhere, and I'll amend them accordingly.)



Egos soar as glasses crack
And promises weighed by the pound
Greedy fingers slapping backs
As strangers walk on my home ground

And greatness by association
Would seem to be an easy thing
The world's a lie that love defies
Believe me when you hear me sing
Only love can stop me now
From stumbling like a stranger on home ground

Strangers always call too late
Handshakes always let you down
What is worthy I shall take
But nothing gained is like love found

And greatness by association
Would seem to be an easy thing
The world's a lie that love defies
Believe me when you hear me sing
Only love can stop me now
From stumbling like a stranger on home ground

Strangers always call too late
Handshakes always let you down
What is worthy I shall take
But nothing gained is like love found

And greatness by association
Would seem to be an easy thing
The world's a lie that love defies
Believe me when you hear me sing
Only love can stop me now
From stumbling like a stranger on home ground

Faith Brothers - A Stranger On Home Ground mp3

I don't like 'I Don't Like Mondays'

Hey, national and local radio station playlist controllers - look! There are some day-appropriate songs you could give a spin on a Monday morning other than I Don't Like Mondays!

It's a crazy idea, I know, but it might just work. Some of the songs below aren't even about massacring blameless colleagues or school friends either, so possibly act as less of a subliminal advertising campaign to any of the more unhinged members of the populace. Just a thought.

(Tegan & Sara)






And that's without even mentioning "Monday" songs by New Order, Candyskins, The Bangles, Duran Duran or the Leningrad Cowboys. (That last one would wake people up of a Monday morning if nothing else!)

Season's Grating

You won't thank me for posting this here, but I feel everyone should have the full horror of the new Littlewoods Christmas advert inflicted on them at least the once. Brace yerselves...



Jarvis Cocker - Running The World mp3

They think it's all over...

A song to celebrate the end of the latest interminable international football break today. My goodness those things are annoying (international football breaks, I mean, rather than songs, which can often be quite agreeable). Just as the fitba season's getting going in the top two divisions, the whole thing's halted for a fortnight for the benefit of one, or possibly two, tiresome qualifiers (or even worse, friendlies) played by your national side.

Which is all very well if you support Germany or Spain, or any other countries whose teams play an aesthetically-pleasing brand of football; but when you're lumbered with England - who put fewer passes together than a reformed philanderer - it feels more like a jail sentence.

Oh, and don't suppose all this ends here; there's another international break coming up (of course there is) next month to disrupt the rhythm of the season once again. The egg chasers have got it right as far as I'm concerned, continuing with their domestic rugby seasons despite the fact that the rugby World Cup also happens to be going on simultaneously in New Zealand (or wherever; can't say I've been paying all that much attention).

Anyway, all that pointless yet strangely theraputic ranting was leading up to this, the superb Football, Football by the Edmundo Ros Orchestra, from (I'm guessing) the early 1950s. Heard this on the wireless a couple of weeks back and fell in love with it immediately. Truly, they don't make 'em like this any more (more's the pity).

The Edmundo Ros Orchestra - Football, Football (Calypso) mp3

Funny peculiar

There now follows a pair food-related jokes I made on Twitter this week, both of which, alas, died on their arse (as do most of my tweets). Vanity and a misplaced sense of pride dictates that I shall continue to repeat these gags until some bastard laughs at them.

*clears throat*

JOKE #1 [After Tiger Woods had had a hot dog thrown at him during a golf tournament at the weekend]

"I asked for a sand wedge, not a hot dog"

JOKE #2

How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts? He doesn't. The question's redundant.

Thanks, I'm here all week.

Chumbawamba - Add Me mp3

Quite Fonda this

Despite the fact that they've been around since the late nineties, I'd never heard of Californian duo Fonda until Lito posted recent single Better Days over on Lito Music last week. It immediately caught my ear anyway as it's one of the best slices of shoegazey dream pop I've heard this side of 1992. See what you make of it.



Fonda - Better Days mp3 (right click)

You can download Fonda's five-song Better Days EP for $5 at Bandcamp

Funny old game, Saint...

John Hegley - Greavsie mp3

(Just pretend it's 1988 or something)

Up Thee AHs!

Thee AHs are a bunch of Canadian teenagers who play a thoroughly agreeable brand of lo-fi pop. Just been listening to their 12-track album Nation and it is consistently very good indeed. In an age where we're constantly besieged with images of spoilt numpties warbling and emoting for all their worth on those ubiquitous yet completely unedifying TV talent contests, it's more refreshing than ever to hear a bunch of youngsters making music on their own terms and for the fun of it. Here they are with Nation lead track Onion in my Pocket.



Buy Thee AHs Nation LP for $5 as a download or $8 for the CD version at Bandcamp.

I discovered Thee AHs via Xanthi's perenially excellent songs for girls to sing blog, from where you can read this much more informative post about the band.

Säkert! På engelska

Dare you watch this video?



Read more about the Can I Project at Annika Norlin's Säkert! blog

The 11-track album Säkert! På engelska is out now on Razzia Records